passion makes perfect

Too much practice makes a speech sound canned, an emotion fall flat, an activity seem routine. Don’t practice until you get it right, practice until you can’t get it wrong. You may be wondering if there truly is something you couldn’t get wrong. There sure is: the decisions you make. You say, “I’ve made plenty of wrong decisions!” That’s not exactly true. Once you make a decision you make it yours, you die by it; you stick by it regardless of the odds or outcome. The decision isn’t what’s failed; it’s your commitment to making it work.

Once it’s in your heart, that’s when the decision is complete.  You have the know why, which is the engine that drives the know how.  A dear friend of mine recently shared a story about the time, years ago, when my father had hired him to speak at the close of an insurance company’s day-long program. My friend was not a professional speaker per se, but a lawyer. He accepted the offer since he was not about to tell his mentor “no”. Several days before the speech, my father asked about the upcoming event. My friend replied that he was ready but that he would need to review the presentation one more time. My father looked at him and said there was no need to review, “Either the words are in your heart, or you are not ready.”

When my father was in his final stages of cancer in 2008, he was confined to his hospice bed barely able to speak above a whisper. I made the trek to Pennsylvania from Missouri every weekend during those last three months. I waited patiently for him to discuss the future of the business with me. He never did. He never even asked me if I had thought about coming back and running the company. I could not understand why he didn’t ask.

But then it hit me. If it wasn’t in my heart to come home of my own volition, it wouldn’t be my decision. He knew if he asked I couldn’t say no. But he also knew that when the going got tough, I would be the first to suck my thumb and complain that I had left everything behind and come back at the behest of someone else. You see, when it’s your decision, you’ve got no one else to blame. When it’s your decision, you live and die by it. When it’s your decision, the end result doesn’t matter; it’s your commitment to the decision that matters. Passion is all about the journey, not the destination.

Final results have a funny way of always working out for those who stay the course. Maybe there are some detours along the way, but that’s what adds an element of surprise to all of life’s experiments. If it’s in my heart, it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t work out because I know I did everything within my power to make it work. And if it doesn’t work out, there’s something greater looming on the horizon that I had better get ready for. In the end, it’ll all work out. If it hasn’t worked out yet, it’s not the end.

So keep on living life tremendously. If there is passion in your heart, you can’t possibly get it wrong.

livin la vida laissez

The phrase laissez-faire is French and broadly implies “let it be”, or “leave it alone.” Helen Keller put it perfectly, “Science may have found a cure for most evils; but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all – the apathy of human beings.” Death by neglect is the most painful death of all. It is like dying as a result of one million paper cuts versus one swift, fatal stab to the heart. It’s irritating, agonizingly slow, and open to septic infections every step of the way.

I’ve worked for some laissez-faire companies, the ones that refuse to get involved even when they’ve been alerted something is wrong. I once wrote a letter to a CEO describing some very real issues going on in his organization after the chain dismissed my concerns. The only response he had for me was, “What do you want me to do about it?” The apathy is obvious. If the bosses don’t care, why should the employees?

The laissez-faire mentality can extend to matters of the heart as well. Are you a laissez-faire lover, meaning your relationship isn’t worth investing in? You just let it spiral down the drain until somebody files divorce paperwork or you just lead separate lives under the same roof. You can lead a laissez-faire home life as well, where you just go with the flow and refuse to deal with any of the issues in your life. Maybe as a parent you choose not to exert a strong parental influence; or maybe you allow a bad habit to form and grow into an addiction than slowly takes your life.

The greatest leaders of all time provoke one of two reactions: you either love them so much you’re willing to die for their cause or you hate them so much you wish them non-existent. As Napoleon Bonaparte so eloquently said, “Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.” When you chose the laissez-faire lifestyle you’re like the fig tree in the Parable from Luke’s Gospel, all leaf and no fruit. The end result is destruction.

There is a sure-fire way to cure this malaise. In his motivational classic, Life Is Tremendous, Charlie “Tremendous” Jones says there are only three decisions we make in our entire lifetime. They are: who am I going to live my life with; what am I going to live my life in; and who am I going to live my life for. Once you commit to your life partner (and for us single gals it sure can be to ourselves) you are no longer a laissez-faire lover. You will work and fight to honor the vow you took. Once you decide what you are going to live your life in, your job becomes a passion and you realize that every workplace act is a reflection of your character and a chance to serve others. Once you decide who you are going to live your life for, you become full of passion for that goal, idea, or entity. And passion is the antithesis of laissez-faire.

So quit sitting there watching the seconds tick by. This is your one shot at life so make every aspect of it count. My father used to joke that a lot of people are walking around this planet dead long before they’re buried, but thank God he made it so we don’t stink until we’re put in the ground. Hang around great people and read great books to get you out of the laissez-faire lifestyle and soon you’ll be marveling at the newfound taste of living a fruitful and committed life.

don’t fear the reaper

Every negative thought that we think is rooted in the perception that we do not have what we want or what we think we should have. It’s tough to break this kind of stinkin’ thinkin’ when we are so bred to compare and compete across every aspect of our lives. It’s all about results, results, results. Those who get results receive the best salaries, the biggest offices, the most accolades. They deliver repeatedly and consistently and if they don’t, there is something wrong with them.

But when results become the sole focus of our lives, things can become quite scary and fearful. We find ourselves asking questions such as: Am I good enough that people will like me? Will I say the right words when I speak? What if nobody buys the books I publish? Am I qualified enough for that promotion, or so bad I’ll get laid off? Why, people are even getting so delusional they are clamoring in the streets over why they aren’t reaping something someone else has sown. We’ve come so far from Hartmann von Aue’s quote, “He who helps in the saving of others, saves himself as well”, that we have turned our own sense of humanity upside down.

This stinkin’ thinkin’ is going to get exponentially worse unless everyone turns their focus on the seeds they need to sow. As Robert Louis Stevenson said, “Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.” As a business owner, if I went to bed thinking of the day’s results, I would never have the peace of mind to get a minute’s sleep or the courage to get out of bed in the morning. Whenever folks ask me how it’s going I say, “We are sowing a lot of seeds!” And I know there is no guarantee I’ll ever get to reap any of them, but that’s not the point.

We are put on this earth to sow, not to reap. The results that really matter won’t be measured in retirement accounts, entitlements, or even buildings, airports, or highways dedicated in our names, but in the number of lives we’ve touched, smiles we’ve shared, and totally selfless acts we’ve completed. What if everyone stopped saying, “I WANT”, and instead said, “I PLANT” and we all stopped fearing the reaper? We might actually return this planet to a semblance of its original state of Eden and become master gardeners of our own souls.

plunge into leadership

Do you take crap from people? Do your employees treat you, their co-workers, or, God forbid, the customer like sh%*? Is your organization clogged by something dark, sinister and stinky that just won’t budge?

If so, it’s time to plunge into leadership! Getting an organization properly flowing is a lot like unstopping a clogged toilet.  And the results of neglecting to take action are just as poisonous to the organization as they are to the human body. Blocked toxins are lethal. So does your work place need a colonic? If so, it’s up to you.

Roll up your sleeves and recognize the problem. It’s amazing how many folks can walk by a stopped-up organization, even be a part of it, and say and do nothing. These types of people (let’s refer to them as poople because calling people turds is so un-politically correct) have most often been lodged for some time and have not softened in the least by the flow of the organisms around them.

These poople linger in their cubicle stalls doing their own business, oblivious to the grunts and strains of others, and often become a stopping point for everything else going on in the surrounding offices. They take great pride in stopping up the workday or any process with a toxic attitude or just refusing to let something pass on by them.

It’s going to take some serious elbow grease and repetition. And there may be times when you think your actions are having absolutely no effect. But trust me, if you stay committed the blockage will disappear into the bowels of the earth and the clear sparkly waters will once again rise to the surface. Always remember, you can’t polish a poople, so better get to plunging now!

mind the gap

“Mind the gap” is a warning to train passengers of the London Underground to take caution while crossing the gap between the station platform and the train door. But no matter what side of the Atlantic we find ourselves on, the real gaps we have to be wary of are the ones located within ourselves. The gap between knowing the right thing and doing the right thing; between knowing how to do something and knowing why you do it; the skill to do a good job and the will to do a good job; between wishing for something and actually doing something to achieve it.

Thankfully there are many tremendous things that can aid us in taking the leap across the chasm that lies within all of us to become the best version of ourselves. Mentors, teachers, coaches, parents, role models, books, music, and even animals can all have a positive impact in helping us not only mind but bridge the gap. But we alone are the only ones who can forge the great divide so that we, of our own volition, may stand on the other side. Galileo Galilei said it best: “You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself.”

There’s a Japanese proverb that says, “Fall seven times, get up eight.” Humpty Dumpty had a great fall and I’ve had quite a few myself. At least Mr. Dumpty had a traumatic event where he lost it all. As Norman Vincent Peale said, “any action is better than no action at all.” Many people sit at the edge of the abyss wondering what’s on the other side without ever putting one toe into the deep. But even all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty together again. The only person or thing that can piece together the fragile bits of our innermost being is us.

Sometimes we ignore the gaps in ourselves so successfully that we never even think about them. Our lives are what they are and there is nothing we are going to do about it. Other times we are clawing to the sides of the gaps fighting for our lives, determined to succeed and hoist ourselves to the other side no matter the cost. Whatever the case, we all face the same gaps in our lives. It is an integral part of the human condition. And the sooner we mind them, the more habitually driven we can be in navigating them as many times in life as we need or desire.

Never say never, unless……

The word to never say: “Why”

Only children ask “why”.  It reflects something that has transpired and is the equivalent to crying over spilt milk. It is what it is and the only possible course of action is to respond. When you ask “Why” you are reacting, most often wallowing in self pity or making an excuse for not taking action. Instead of asking “why”, ask “how” you can move forward, “how” you can ensure something does or doesn’t happen again, “how” you can benefit from the experience.

The act to never do: “Quit”

You can want to quit, we all do, but don’t do it. Don’t ever give up on your dreams, your passion, or doing what you know needs to be done. If it’s getting tougher, it means you are doing it right. Trials are the precursors to triumph. You are going through the fires in order to emerge as something stronger. Don’t pull away too early or you’ll suffer a literal stress fracture. If we quit prematurely we set the stage to repeat the cycle in our next job, relationship, or group.

The thing to never forget: “Purpose”

Purpose is what courses through our veins. It’s why we get up in the morning and sleep only when we absolutely have to. It’s what drives us to take action despite insurmountable odds. When we discover that something worth fighting (even dying) for, nothing can stand in our way. It’s nothing to go against all odds when you are committed to the outcome. After all, it’s your reason for being on this planet.

Never ask “why”, never “quit”, and never forget you are here for a “purpose”. If you remember these three things you’ll be able to meet all the challenges life has in store to develop you and achieve your highest potential. They say “Never say never”, but in these three cases, make sure it’s the first word out of your mouth!

Alien Activity Discovered in Corporate America!!!

I recently went star gazing at the Naylor Observatory where I got the chance to look through amazing telescopes guided by amateur astronomy enthusiasts. Three planets were visible to the naked eye but I wanted to see the deep space stuff like galaxies beyond the Milky Way, renegade comets, and swirling nebulae.

One of the gentlemen obliged and showed me a cluster. Clusters are groups of stars and can be distinguished into two types:  Globular and Open.  Globular Clusters are tight groups of hundreds of thousands of very old stars which are gravitationally bound. Open clusters are more loosely clustered group of stars, generally contain less than a few hundred members, and are often very young.

My mind immediately began thinking about some of the clusters I’ve professionally been a part of. I’ve worked for some globular clusters, known in the professional universe as bureaucracies. I think I even had a couple of “globs” for bosses, now that you mention it.  I also worked for several Open Clusters, known as private or start-up companies where creativity swirled and created flashes of brilliance. It was the birthplace for new ideas that sometimes collapsed in on themselves in their infancy unable to sustain their growth.

He also showed me a dying star and the beginnings of a black hole. And yes, I worked for them too barely escaping to tell the tale! So destructive are their powers that no innovative idea, raw talent, or good deed can escape. In fact, once you’ve gotten too entrenched and close to the vortex, you cannot escape and are pulverized and spit out into God knows where.

Maybe I read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy one too many times, but never in my wildest dreams did I realize how much my professional journeys mirrored a parallel universe. I guess that’s why we have the universal laws in business and life, because they reflect the workings of the universe. So welcome fellow space travelers. As Rabindranath Tagore so beautifully wrote, “The traveler has to knock at every alien door to come to his own, and he has to wander through all the outer worlds to reach the innermost shrine at the end.” Good, because I always really wanted to be an astronaut!

 

the greatest compliment in the world

My mother recently made a comment about my father who had passed away in October 2008. She said, “It’s as if he’s still here.” And for all impactful purposes, she is right. The toughest challenge we’ll ever face is filling the shoes of those who have influenced or changed our lives; of continuing to touch and inspire others the way they did us. We all pick up various legacy mantles in our lives; our heroes, our mentors, our parents, our teachers, the list goes on and on.

Continuing a legacy is not about perpetuating a persona, but rather the ideals and principles they inspired in you. As a leader in the workplace our goal is to always strive to leave an organization better than when we entered, able to continue its upward trajectory long after we’ve left the building.  As a parental role model our goal is to teach lessons and instill confidence so when our children leave the nest they can soar with the eagles and live a life that surpasses the one we lived.

None of us is around forever but the impact of what we believed in and stood for will be.  A family friend stopped by the office last week. He had just started a new job and his predecessor had “warned” the staff that the firing would commence as soon as he started. Needless to say he was set up to fail. As he decorated his office, he placed a picture on his desk of himself and my father.

The worker who most feared him immediately noticed and said that my father had made a significant impact on her life and was one of her heroes. At that moment my friend became the greatest boss in the world in her eyes. After all, anyone who loved one of her heroes was most definitely a-ok in her book. And this woman went on to become one of my friend’s strongest workers and allies.

Will we be able to instill change from the great beyond? If we inspire enough people in the most tremendous of ways we most certainly will and people will be paying us the greatest compliment in the world long after we’re gone.

why i love to fail

A young salesman asked an old-timer how he had managed to be so successful. The old timer replied “Good Judgment.” The young man then asked, “Well how do you get good judgment?” The old timer replied, “Experience.” The young man, eager to learn all he could, pressed on. “Well how do you get experience?” To which the old man replied, “Poor judgment.”

When a person begins to grow, the obstacles become bigger and better! And so do the failures. In his bestselling book, Life Is Tremendous, author Charlie “Tremendous” Jones states that we are all born with an empty psychological key ring by our side. Every experience we have in life gives us another key which we can use to move forward. Of note, failures give you double the amount of keys as successes do.

Life is tough even for the wealthiest, healthiest and smartest of us. It just is. I love Sydney J. Harris’ quote, “When I hear somebody sigh that life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, “Compared to what?” Most people are miserable because they expect everything to go right. Plan on your plan going wrong and you’ll have a successful plan! God never breaks us down with problems except to build us up. Life isn’t to be happy—life is to be growing. And we all know there is no such thing as growth without pain.

My father always said that a sure-fire growth formula was to cram fifty years of failure into fifteen. He was right; boy was he right. In the end, it’ll all be okay; if it’s not okay, it’s not the end. So next time you fail, remember: you are in the company of the greatest individuals who have ever lived because you have stepped outside your comfort zone and become more tremendous than you were before.

 

sticks and stones may break my bones and words can always hurt me

I’ve spent the last two months teaching leadership principles to elementary school students with my dog, Mr. Blue. It’s the closest thing to being a rock star I’ll ever experience. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, try walking the halls of an elementary school with a dog at your side. The seas part, everyone falls down for a hug, and your “coolness” status as an adult is off the charts.

I have spent my life learning and sharing leadership principles with adults. The harsh reality is most don’t have the desire to discover these for themselves, so I decided to focus on a more accepting group: children. Children are so open-minded, impressionable, and creative. The sooner these principles are imprinted upon them, the more productive and successful they will be throughout their entire lives and in the lives of others.

One of the discussions we have is called “Herding isn’t leading.” It’s about being kind and respectful to others and that bullies who bark and bite are not to be tolerated. It’s a very important point that the teachers often ask me to emphasize. The sad reality is that this point was inspired by something that happened to me as an adult. I had a boss that actually got in my face, yelling and frothing at the mouth and snapped his teeth one inch away from my nose.

Unfortuately there is a plethora of adult bullies out in the world ready to bark at anyone any chance they get. Look at the trash that’s on TV with the reality shows. Is this really how we want our youth to behave? We tell them not to post mean comments on Facebook yet look at the hateful language strewn all across the Internet in response to articles and blogs. No one even discusses the issues or has a healthy debate; it’s just attack the individual and if their beliefs differ from yours, call them a name, any name, the viler the better.

So why do we keep harping on our children to behave in a civil manner when we don’t and we expose them to it via TV, movies, and the Internet?  Children see it all and are imprinted by everything they take in from zero to ten years old. If we want them to be kind and compassionate, we’ve got to show them what that means. And this means fervently guarding what they watch, with whom they interact, and what they observe from us.

I never saw my father or mother lash out or bully another person. In fact there were times when I thought they were too kind or passive. But I knew if I ever resorted to being disrespectful or a bully I would be in trouble like I had never even imagined. Adults need to stop being hypocrites. If we want children to be respectful, we must set the standard, every time, all the time. Until then, all this talk about anti-bullying crusades aimed at children is just barking up the wrong tree.