Archive for July, 2012

23
Jul
12

i was a charm school dropout

When I was in the tenth grade, my dad got the most outrageous idea to enroll my little sister and me in thirteen weeks of Charm School. To add insult to injury, he kept it a secret and surprised us.

The day came when my little sister and I were dropped off at the mall. We entered the room, unsure of what we were doing there. Inside was a group of young ladies, roughly our age, ready to learn social graces, to put make-up on faces, the proper way to sit with your legs crossed, and how to walk with a book balanced on your head. We felt like fish out of water.

The instructor told us that at the end of the thirteen weeks there would be a fashion show in the center of the mall where we would all get the chance to perform as models. My blood literally ran cold. There was no way that I was going to get all glammed up and prance down the middle of the mall. I may have been into all kinds of activities and had a wide range of friends when I was in high school, but an aspiring beauty queen I most definitely was not.

So my sister and I devised a plan. We told a little white lie to my mother that the other girls were mean to us and we dreaded going back. She granted us a reprieve from the remaining sessions. We were safe; embarrassment averted. Fast forward several months when my father, who traveled 300 days a year in those days, was home for dinner.

He asked how the fashion show went and my mother calmly told him that my sister and I didn’t fit in and had stopped going. He nodded and nothing more was said. Knowing my father, I should have known that wouldn’t be the end of it, and it wasn’t.

For the next thirty years of my life, right up until the day he entered the gates of Heaven, whenever he would see me talking to a single man, he would run up to the unsuspecting male and interject, “Did she tell you she flunked out of charm school???”

I would quickly remind him that I did not “flunk out”, I “quit” to which he would go off on another impromptu speech about the evils of quitting and the disease that quitters have. Needless to say, he definitely got the last laugh. Years after the fact, I asked him what on earth he was thinking when he signed my little sister and me up. He told me that he thought we’d enjoy it and learn some culture.

Even though I was a tomboy, I had traveled all over the country with my father and sat in the midst of some of the greatest teachers in the world at some of the most exotic locations on earth. The last thing I figured I needed was culture. I may have been a nerd/dork/band geek with a bad perm and a chipped front tooth, but I was a reader, a leader, and loved to make people laugh. What could charm school possibly teach me?

This is still one of the mysteries of my upbringing and a clear example of how two people in the same situation can have a totally different interpretation. Remember, before you try to make someone “better”, stop to consider all the amazing things you’ve already done for them and realize that they are already charming enough!

11
Jul
12

coming out of the corporate closet

Not too many years ago I worked for a company as a project manager. I worked tirelessly to please the customer, promote those that worked the hardest on my team, and deal with people and issues that were counterproductive to our mission. On my appraisal that year, my supervisor put a single word under the section designated for areas of improvement: Passion. He went on to explain that I had too much of it.

I was stunned on so many different levels but first and foremost that my desire to uphold the spirit, integrity and intent of our contract was held in a negative light by corporate. Apparently, too much passion to do the right thing and excel can actually be a bad thing in some people’s eyes. It was then that I finally decided to come out of the corporate closet.

Sure, I had had these cultural “rubs” with previous bosses, one even told me when I was in the military that I made decisions too quickly (hadn’t I gone through five years of military academies to learn how to do that?). In fact, it happened so regularly that I finally went to my father and asked “Why do those in positions of authority view it as a threat when someone is working their hardest for the good of the entity?”

His answer was simple, but one I never forgot. “You can work for yourself or you can work for someone else”, he said. “As long as you work for someone else, this is going to happen.” I was blown away! Surely there had to be some organizations out there that valued order, structure, and integrity? And that’s when it hit me. Organizations, churches, governments and families have no inherent good or evil. It’s a matter of the people running them. As my father said, “There’s never been a monument in a park dedicated to a committee.”

Bureaucracies especially shun any kind of boat-rocking, change-inducing innovation because they are creatures of habit and those who get their paychecks there have done so for decades. I should know; I worked in the biggest and best of them, coming from the military, to Fortune 500, to government contractors.

Let’s face it, I was a refugee, I just wasn’t ready to admit it. I was never going to be able to enact lasting change on these behemoths. I had to come out of the closet and call myself what I really was: an entrepreneur. Once I owned up to it, I felt so liberated! So free! So creative! So in-my-own-element!!! I had gone the engineering route because that’s where “the money was”, and as a champion of doing the right thing I thought other organizations would be a haven for me. Boy was I wrong. I was like a fish out of water.

I’m a maverick! I loathe lazy people who just sit at their desks and delegate! I can’t stand unethical vendors or low-ball bidders! I despise managers who won’t make a decision! I knew I had to make a change. So at the beginning of the great recession and housing downturn of ’08, three months after my father died, I decided to walk away from my previous lifestyle and come out of the closet.

I used to think that “engineering project manager for a space technology division” was a sexy title. It’s nothing compared to small business owner, publisher, writer and speaker!  I used to think launching fighter aircraft was pretty cool. Try sharing and thinking with people intent on changing themselves and then the world. This is what I was made for. The only one I’ve got to worry about painting a target on my back is the kitten I just found when she jumps on the back of my chair to grab my pony tail.

The feeling of dread for the coming week on a Sunday night used to be palpable; now I’m so tired of being happy it’s wearing me out! I no longer count the days until vacation and then cry each time I fly home; who needs vacation when work is more fun than fun! I was so ill-informed I actually thought big companies and huge government bureaucracies made the economy run. Boy was I ignorant! It’s all about the entrepreneurial spirit of small businesses that is the backbone of our economy and the only way to be truly free.

One of my best friends recently called me. He had been hired by the government a year earlier and was realizing that it’s the “same s*%#, different day”, forget about the “guaranteed pension, job security, and lifelong health benefits”. You see, he’s a closet entrepreneur like I am, so he’ll never truly be happy until he’s allowed to fully express himself with his God-given talents and creativity. So for all you others dealing with your own identity crisis, take the plunge and declare it loud and clear.

I have no regrets about my previous professional lives. I never would have discovered what I truly was had I not gone in their closets and tried on their garbs. And I’m proud to share my story today to let others know it is okay to come out of the corporate closet, claim your own professional identity, and live life on your own terms. As Tom Petty said, “You don’t have to live like a refugee”.




Tremendous Tracey


CEO Tremendous Life Books. Book Evangelist

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