Posts Tagged ‘selfishness

25
Mar
14

Your “A” Game is useless without your “Be” Atitudes

Ben CarsonOur “A” Game refers to what we bring to the table displayed in our outward performance. Our “Be” Atitudes are derived from the Sermon on the Mount found in Matthew 5 and convey a series of blessedness based on our inward characteristics. Charlie “Tremendous” Jones said, “Knowing how let’s you drive it; knowing why drives you.” Our outward accomplishments are meaningless without the right inward intentions.

Last Friday I had the pleasure and honor of not only meeting, but dining alongside Dr. Ben Carson. We talked about everything from parents who made us read and write book reports growing up, to publishing, to speaking, to marketing, to mentors, to retirements and, yes, even to future callings. But what stood out most to me was how genuinely brilliant, yet humble, this man is.  He was not boastful, he displayed no hint of ego or hubris, and he exhibited extreme control, not only of the facts, but more importantly, of his emotions.

Dr. Carson is blessed because he is poor in spirit. He acknowledges his spiritual condition and the influence of God in his destiny. When I asked him about running for President, he replied, “If it’s God’s will.” He is aware of his God-given talents and places all of the decisions for their use in the hands of God.

Dr. Carson is blessed because he is meek.  Meekness is all about self-control and a quiet friendly composure which does not become embittered or angry under any circumstances.  It is an active attitude and a deliberate acceptance. “Angry people are selfish people” he said.  “It’s not about you; stay out of their slime pool.”

Dr. Carson is blessed because he is pure of heart. When I asked him about how he maintains his composure when untruths are levied against him, he shared how God dealt with his bad temper when he was a teen, healing him of a flaw which nearly put him on the road to prison.  He commented, “When God fixes a problem He doesn’t just do a paint job. He fixes it.”

When we look at leaders we tend to remember the visionary earth-movers, the fiery orators, the discerning decision-makers. But let us not forget the brilliant leaders who have changed the world through their inward spirit of humility and servitude: Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa, Abraham Lincoln, and the greatest role model of all, Jesus Christ. And in my book, I count Dr. Ben Carson as one of them.

 

13
Nov
13

Curiosity killed more than the cat

Curiosity+killed+the+cat.+source+smosh+facebook+page_06d5f5_3980829I just read one of my favorite books, You and Your Network, by Fred Smith.  Chapter 7, “Your Friends”, includes a fascinating insight. Mr. Smith clearly outlines the difference between interest and curiosity, and it’s an important distinction we need to factor into all of our relationships, personal and professional.

I recently spoke at a networking event and shared with the group how it drove me crazy when I’d get a call from someone who would ask me what I do in my business or what they could do to “help” me. I could tell from several of the attendees that they did not understand why that bothers me. Isn’t it good to hear about the prospective client so you can meet their needs? Well, if you haven’t established a relationship with them or at least done your homework, no, it’s not.

When you have a deep, sincere interest in someone you ask questions in order to truly help them. When you are curious about someone, you ask the question because you are looking to serve yourself. So there’s a big difference between asking interested questions and asking curious questions.

Here are the top three curious questions that will not just kill the cat, but any chance of a deal or relationship as well.

The Time Suck: These are sales calls from someone asking how they can help your business, or worse, asking you to tell them about your business. The reality is that they are looking for ways to help their business.  It’s like asking the teacher for the answers to the test so you don’t have to study.

Stump the Chump: These are calls where the salesperson asks you a question when they already know the answer. They are already smarter than you and are waiting for you to give the “wrong” reply so they can correct you.  It’s like someone pulling the rug out from under you and then wondering why you don’t take their hand to get up.

The National Enquirer: These are questions that ask for too much information (TMI). These people are simply looking for gossip fodder and are fishing for information so they can get the inside scoop. The behavior of these “Nosey Mrs. Rats” can best be summed up by the colloquialism, “I don’t repeat gossip, so listen up the first time.”

Always be careful what you say and to whom. Not all questions are meant to be answered. Not everyone who claims to be interested in you really is. Curiosity killed the cat. Be careful it doesn’t do the same to you!

02
May
12

don’t fear the reaper

Every negative thought that we think is rooted in the perception that we do not have what we want or what we think we should have. It’s tough to break this kind of stinkin’ thinkin’ when we are so bred to compare and compete across every aspect of our lives. It’s all about results, results, results. Those who get results receive the best salaries, the biggest offices, the most accolades. They deliver repeatedly and consistently and if they don’t, there is something wrong with them.

But when results become the sole focus of our lives, things can become quite scary and fearful. We find ourselves asking questions such as: Am I good enough that people will like me? Will I say the right words when I speak? What if nobody buys the books I publish? Am I qualified enough for that promotion, or so bad I’ll get laid off? Why, people are even getting so delusional they are clamoring in the streets over why they aren’t reaping something someone else has sown. We’ve come so far from Hartmann von Aue’s quote, “He who helps in the saving of others, saves himself as well”, that we have turned our own sense of humanity upside down.

This stinkin’ thinkin’ is going to get exponentially worse unless everyone turns their focus on the seeds they need to sow. As Robert Louis Stevenson said, “Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.” As a business owner, if I went to bed thinking of the day’s results, I would never have the peace of mind to get a minute’s sleep or the courage to get out of bed in the morning. Whenever folks ask me how it’s going I say, “We are sowing a lot of seeds!” And I know there is no guarantee I’ll ever get to reap any of them, but that’s not the point.

We are put on this earth to sow, not to reap. The results that really matter won’t be measured in retirement accounts, entitlements, or even buildings, airports, or highways dedicated in our names, but in the number of lives we’ve touched, smiles we’ve shared, and totally selfless acts we’ve completed. What if everyone stopped saying, “I WANT”, and instead said, “I PLANT” and we all stopped fearing the reaper? We might actually return this planet to a semblance of its original state of Eden and become master gardeners of our own souls.




Tremendous Tracey


CEO Tremendous Life Books. Book Evangelist

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