Posts Tagged ‘relationships

13
Nov
13

Curiosity killed more than the cat

Curiosity+killed+the+cat.+source+smosh+facebook+page_06d5f5_3980829I just read one of my favorite books, You and Your Network, by Fred Smith.  Chapter 7, “Your Friends”, includes a fascinating insight. Mr. Smith clearly outlines the difference between interest and curiosity, and it’s an important distinction we need to factor into all of our relationships, personal and professional.

I recently spoke at a networking event and shared with the group how it drove me crazy when I’d get a call from someone who would ask me what I do in my business or what they could do to “help” me. I could tell from several of the attendees that they did not understand why that bothers me. Isn’t it good to hear about the prospective client so you can meet their needs? Well, if you haven’t established a relationship with them or at least done your homework, no, it’s not.

When you have a deep, sincere interest in someone you ask questions in order to truly help them. When you are curious about someone, you ask the question because you are looking to serve yourself. So there’s a big difference between asking interested questions and asking curious questions.

Here are the top three curious questions that will not just kill the cat, but any chance of a deal or relationship as well.

The Time Suck: These are sales calls from someone asking how they can help your business, or worse, asking you to tell them about your business. The reality is that they are looking for ways to help their business.  It’s like asking the teacher for the answers to the test so you don’t have to study.

Stump the Chump: These are calls where the salesperson asks you a question when they already know the answer. They are already smarter than you and are waiting for you to give the “wrong” reply so they can correct you.  It’s like someone pulling the rug out from under you and then wondering why you don’t take their hand to get up.

The National Enquirer: These are questions that ask for too much information (TMI). These people are simply looking for gossip fodder and are fishing for information so they can get the inside scoop. The behavior of these “Nosey Mrs. Rats” can best be summed up by the colloquialism, “I don’t repeat gossip, so listen up the first time.”

Always be careful what you say and to whom. Not all questions are meant to be answered. Not everyone who claims to be interested in you really is. Curiosity killed the cat. Be careful it doesn’t do the same to you!

25
Apr
13

For a good time call 1-800-233-BOOK!

bookloveI was at an event yesterday beaming with pride as I stood behind the table of life-changing books we published this year. As one individual browsed the table I chimed in with my tremendous elevator pitch about how Tremendous Life Books was the leading publisher of motivational, inspirational, and personal-development material. The browser took a sweeping and critical look across the perfectly-staged books and responded, “Oh, you don’t have any fun ones.”

Interesting; certainly not a response I was expecting. I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but “not fun” was never one of them. It’s true that we don’t have the bodice-ripping, gun-shooting, car-wrecking, blood-sucking, wand-waving, heavy-breathing fiction that litters the bestseller lists; but we’ve got books written by dogs for crying out loud! How fun is that? We’ve published a plethora of books on the importance of humor in communication. Oscar Wilde said, “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they’ll kill you.”

You see, I believe that reading is a lot like sex. If you’re not having fun, you’rebookloveheart not doing it right. Forget about the job and the marriage. You’re the only thing you truly have in the world so you’d better learn to have a good time finding ways to make yourself the best and most highly-motivated version of yourself can possibly be! Then, and only then, can you fully enjoy personal and professional relationships to the max.

Hey, I like fiction too. Science fiction is my preferred genre. But I can’t live on it. The fantasy leaves me feeling empty and wanting more when I wake up the next day. Personal development books, on the other hand, make me feel like we’re in a lifelong commitment together. They have meat on their bones and give me something strong to hold on to, not just a good time. They are my soul books and let me know I’m amazing. They say the mind is the sexiest thing on a man or a woman, so why not take some time to work on that and have some real fun!!

01
Feb
12

more human than human

I’ve gone through some tough times in my life, every single stressor imaginable: death, divorce, war, moving; I’ve been served, sued, betrayed, dumped, and even falsely accused. Because of where I’ve been professionally and personally, I have a pretty big world view. I can laugh at what life throws my way because I actually know from experience, and not theory, that that which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. And stronger is the only way to go through life.

As a freshman, or Doolie, in the Air Force Academy we would have Saturday Morning Inspections. Our beds had to be tight enough to flip a quarter on with crisp, clean folded corners. We’d stretch the woolen blankets under the old coil spring mattress support with all our might. Many of us received a cut from tugging in the tight space and even now seeing it on my wrist brings back a fantastic sense of camaraderie.  When I was serving on various active duty deployments we’d get a campaign ribbon for each particular conflict in which we served. Others who wore the same ribbon were united with you in serving in the same location or conditions, against a common enemy, for a singular good.  

The more I experienced the more I was able to identify with other people and situations. Communication is about camaraderie. If I identify with you the odds we will be able to communicate are exponentially greater.  Charlie “Tremendous” Jones spoke a great deal about communication issues in his speech The Key to Excellence. “I’ve been learning over the years if I can identify with you we can say a great deal without saying very much. If I don’t, we can live in the same house and die strangers.”

People who identify with one another begin to think together rather than listen to and argue with one another. This is the highest form of communication and the only one capable of changing the hearts and minds of mankind. It’s also the only force able to produce change in the world. Words spoken from a heart that’s lived out the pain, the anguish, and the jubilation of life are the ones that make us more human than human.

17
May
11

let’s do it doggie style!

The divine canine is my hero and muse. This past January, after 10 years of living in solitude and bliss with three cats and my soul-dog, Mr. Blue, I introduced a new adoptee into our pack. Ruby Red was a six-year-old Aussie purebred whose previous life was spent as a breeding dog in Kentucky.

I voraciously read how to introduce a new dog into the mix. She was cat-approved: Check! The existing male dog approved: Check! Let the dogs meet on neutral turf before introducing into the home: Check!

By day three, however, the novelty had worn off and the quest for dominance erupted. They had to establish their own “barking” order, which they did with much snarling and snapping, but without, thankfully, bloodshed or trips to the vet’s office.

Fast-forward to the present day: Mr. Blue and Ruby Red have worked through their issues and have actually become quite chummy. The entire household knows that Mr. Blue is the number-one son, but he allows Ruby Red to be her vocal, bossy self. I even see them wrestle a little, assume the same napping positions, communicate by making the same shepherd sounds, and even give each other little kisses on the muzzle when they pass. Each day they become more and more alike and comfortable, like an old married couple who intimately knows each other’s routines and thoughts.

So why do so many humans behave in the opposite fashion? We meet, fall into the gooey honeymoon phase, and eventually get married only to become disenchanted and spend the rest of our years becoming more and more hostile to one another. Humans are on an exact opposite trajectory than hounds!

We misrepresent and hide our true aggressions until we eventually let the snarling truth come out when we are inextricably, legally, and morally linked. If we tried to be more guileless and honest, we wouldn’t be less than forthright. We wouldn’t try to change one another. And our lives would be full of a lot more unconditional puppy love.

We need to take a lesson from man’s best friend and learn how to lay it all on the table within the first few meetings. Display right from the beginning our motives and temperament. Define our boundaries and who we are and demand respect. After all, everything surfaces eventually; the sooner the better. Ruff said.




Tremendous Tracey


CEO Tremendous Life Books. Book Evangelist

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